I know, cheesy title but, I was thinking about what I could write about this month and I thought about how I felt about the menopause when I realised I was coming into this time of life and that now there are studies proving that how you feel about your menopause can directly affect the quality or quantity of your symptoms. Does this surprise you? This month I thought I would look into this in my perimenopause blog: Have yourself a merry menopause! It does have a little bit to do with Christmas too but it also has:
7 TOP TIPS TO MERRY MENOPAUSE MENTAL WELLNESS
How can: how I think and feel about menopause affect my symptoms? That's the question I'm going to look into and then give you my best tips on how to manage this, especially as tensions and stress can rise at this time of year and clash with cold weather. It all takes it toll!
What I thought about the menopause
Here's the thing, I didn't, I never gave it a second thought. Maybe you were the same too? But now you're starting to mooch around the internet to see what it has to say? If so , you're already doing more than I did!
I was at a networking meeting one day, and it just so happens that Lauren Chiren (Women of a certain stage) was just about to give one of her earliest talks on how menopause can affect you at work. I was 45 and not really interested as I didn't even think it happened for 10 or so years, and then my sole thought was I'll breeze through it.
Little did I know by the end of the talk, a lot of bells were ringing in my head and I went home and googled it and it seems I could tick quite a few boxes of menopausal symptoms. I sat back pondering this and thought: Oh well, that's good at least there's a reason for why my body feels like it's falling apart! Then I started researching, and that long winding path leads me to here today.
Never once though did I get depressed about the thought of being menopausal. I didn't yearn for the person I'd been, I wasn't comparing myself to where I'd come from. I do admit that I was comparing my energy levels and I did want that back but, all in all I wasn't viewing this as a negative stage of my life or a monumental hurdle to overcome.
This though is where women need help nowadays, too much negative media is ensuring that women are seeing the menopause as a bad trip and worrying about it, thinking the worst and expecting it to be a battle to overcome.
I want to help you reposition this!
Menopause is natural - should I put up with symptoms?
Absolutely not!
I've seen the various camps and debates going on around social media. There are the: Don't put up with your symptoms , take HRT ASAP brigade, then there are the: What is all the fuss about menopause is natural, every woman has gone through it tribe. I don't identify with either.
Yes menopause is natural, but no, your symptoms are not. However I don't want this to get you down, your symptoms are not here to stay if you take action to resolve them. You must resolve them as your body is telling you something is wrong and that it doesn't want you to stay that way (that path leads to less optimal health post menopause).
When I first started on researching all of this there were 34 symptoms of the menopause, now 6 or so years on there's over 100? How has this happened?
Is it due to much more awareness of symptomology or is there something else at play here?
Yes, there is something else getting involved and if you'd like to read about that check out last months blog: Perimenopause - The stress link!
So how do you remain positive about your menopause transition if you're getting bogged down with symptoms?
Be curious about your menopause, don't be helpless!
Being curious means you seek answers, it lifts you out of the helpless/victim attitude that we can all get stuck in from time to time.
The other day I did a live on Instagram and a comment was:so I caused all my own symptoms then? I wanted to say yes but not to brow beat or guilt anyone but to say if your lifestyle is a contributing factor to your symptoms then this means you have control over resolving your symptoms!
If you think that your symptoms are completely out of your control, like your body has suddenly gone alien on you and there is nothing you can do about it, that leaves you helpless. You'll be thinking: my body is my enemy, look what it's done to me. You won't take ownership and you won't seek change, you'll think: I'm stuck with this and try to ride it out; this is a dangerous path to take.
Living with symptoms. thinking they'll improve isn't a positive and happy way to live. Your body will eventually compensate; but to what cost? Right now as symptoms start they are the first buds of further implications in the future and we all agree we want to ward off osteoporosis, heart disease and dementia. This comment may have you running to the Dr and asking for HRT, and by all means have the conversation but also read my blog: You don't need meds, you need nutrients
Having a natural, symptom free, happy menopause is not a mythological state to attain, it's about taking action as symptoms appear; what are they telling you? You may not know what your symptoms are saying about your health, but I bet you feel tired most of the time. You may think that's life, I'm always tired; but have you ever thought that the two are linked? The more tired you are the worse your symptoms and mood swings seem to get?
Being curious about your health is healthy!
Acknowledging that something is wrong and then telling yourself I'm going to take action (but I don't yet know how!) is a great place to start, because you're putting it out there that you are ready to make changes; and the universe is listening!
Tell the universe you want to change your menopause symptoms
You may not have heard about this, or seen films like The Secret so let me get you up to speed. Call it luck, call it spirituality, call it what you like but you have to tell your subconscious you're ready to make changes for the better.
Your mind and body is listening to you continuously, so if you're beating yourself up or berating yourself you're taking that negative energy in and that's making your mind and body unhappier with each passing day. Whilst you're stuck in negative messaging you're not going to see anything that may help you... (that's the HOW I mentioned above).
Stating out loud: I'm ready to resolve my symptoms! gives your mind and body a clear message that it is now looking out for HOW TO CHANGE.
This is the speaking to the universe bit! Keep repeating this message, it doesn't matter that you don't know how just keep telling yourself I'm going to have a positive menopause transition and get the help I need to make change. Maybe you've already been saying this and that's why you've ended up here.... hint: I am the HOW :)
Your wording is crucial, it's far better to resolve or dissolve your symptoms than tackle or battle them; that suggests that it's going to be hardwork. I don't know about you but if I'm going to resolve my symptoms I want it to be easy... the path of least resistance!
My top tips for menopause mental stamina ... not so catchy as merry menopause :)
Along the way in my life journey I've been taught, coached, immersed and tested in all types of communication, mindset and physical tools. All these techniques have seeped in to my head in some degree and all are very beneficial to call on in times that are challenging for you.
Christmas time is a challenge for most people for one reason or another and any technique or coping mechanism that you employ at this time of the year you can then use at anytime of year or your life; mindset tips aren't just for Christmas :)
TIP 1 Make a note of all your symptoms and the 'top 3'
You have to start somewhere, and you have to reduce overwhelm so I'll tell you this! Aim to resolve your top 3 and you will resolve them all. All your symptoms are connected in one way or another, and if you delve down to the linking root cause then they fall like dominoes when you start making changes. The changes don't need to be large or daunting, small changes can add up to a big difference in how you feel. This is what I teach in my masterclass Bitesize Menopause - see next talk date here.
TIP 2 Decide today to see your menopause transition as positive
Worrying that things will get worsea; nxious about what maybe? This tells your body, your caveman body (we're still not that evolved!) that there's a sabre tooth tiger waiting to eat you and it keeps your body in fight or flight mode. You spend way too much time in this state which leads to physical stress building up in your body that then affects your brain and mood.
Tell yourself things are going to change for the better, then you just need to be patient for the HOW to appear; and it won't take long. This is because once you've loaded into your brain that you are looking for a positive outcome you'll start seeing the things that will answer that. You have to tell your subsconscious what you DO want , NOT what you don't.
TIP 3 Let go of holding on to the Old You
Following on from what I've just said, if you're filling your thoughts with why can't I be like when... or I wish I was like my old.... tells your brain the wrong message. In looking backwards you have no mental or emotional capacity to look forwards to change and positive options.
Holding on to letting go is not healthy for you mentally and will keep adding stress into your body. This is something that if you have a moment of enlightenment you'll see it, but for others it may need more work, you may need support or coaching. Know this though, you can change your mindset! When I learnt this in my early 30s it blew my mind. Up until then I thought: once a negative thinker, always a negative thinker! When I learnt that your mindset is created in your childhood, from influences around you, protecting you, and that this then becomes detrimental in later years I was shellshocked, but I was also ecstatic and went on a journey of change... and I so want that for you because it makes your life so much better!
The book I read was Richard Carlson's Stop Thinking, Start Living if you're interested! (and it's only a skinny book, which I never had to finish and have quoted endlessly since).
TIP 4 Aim to take action to be amazing
When you decide that enough is enough and now is the time to start making good changes you will immediately feel a weight on your shoulders lift. Remember I've said that the HOW will manifest quickly once you've made the decision and communicated that in mind and body.
Be empowered to be in control of your symptoms! Your mind and your body; do not hand that power to anyone else. By all means talk to your doctor but your menopause is ultimately in your hands. You may find the convesation with them frustrating but don't let it leave you feeling hopeless. Once you rule out one avenue of help another one WILL appear if you tell yourself that is what you want to happen. As they say as one door closes another opens, to explain this, putting all your eggs in one basket i.e. the doctor; you're not thinking of other possible solutions. Once you know the Dr isn't right for you or able to help you, let it go and make space for another type of support or help to come along.
TIP 5 Don't beat yourself up
It's not your fault you have symptoms, let me make that quite clear, however, it is your fault if you do nothing about them and they get worse. We get ourselves into a pickle mental, physically, emotionally every day of our lives; and that's ok. It's what we do when we're in that situation that counts. Another saying is it's not how many times you're knocked down but how many times you get up again that's important!
Be kind to yourself, as kind as you are to those you care about. You deserve some of your own attention and energy. I love this quote by zen master Thich Nhat Hanh:
Let's face it, you definitely know that your energy per day is finite, so in his words USE IT WISELY. Let go the extra things, say no to doing too much, put yourself first, start carving out time for yourself; all of these things are self care and this WILL lower your physical stress; which turn will help reduce your symptoms.
TIP 6 Relieve your mental fatigue
Be gentle on your body, don't punish yourself physically to calm a racing mind. Look into mindfulness, it's incredibly powerful and beneficial. Whether you use apps like Headspace or Calm, do meditation through movement like Yoga or Qi Gong, or engage in an all consuming task like beading, weaving or knitting; there will be a mindfulness type that is exactly right for you.
Mindfulness brings you into the present moment and calms your mind to just one thought, for me it's solely consuming to thread nylon through a bead hole, you really can't think about anything else!
I'm sure you hear a lot about being in the present and wonder why it helps, and how to achieve it?
It's powerful because it stops you worrying, being anxious, or hanging on to emotional issues that are bad for you. Being present, or in the moment means you're totally absorbed in one thought and freeing your mind from your complicated machinations which tires your mind and fatigues you.
TIP 7 Lower your physical stress
You may not think you're stressed, most women I speak to don't. However if you have any of these symptoms you have physical stress and you require way more nutrition than you're currently getting:
Brain fog, anxiety, worrying, awake at 4am, muscle pain, join pain, gut issues, PMS, hot flushes, night sweats, and just about any/all symptoms of the current menopause symptom list.
If you're peri or menopausal or post menopause with symptoms, let me save you the work - you have physical stress in your body and you require a lot more nutrition than you think you need (even if you're about to say , I eat well....). If you have symptoms, you have physical stress in your body, you need MORE nutrition.
Is my menopause all in my head?
No it's not!
I get asked this a lot by clients who are relieved to hear the answer. There are so many contributing factors to your menopausal transition and your symptoms are very real and very physical However how you think about it does feed into the severity of your symptoms and if you've read this blog hopefully that is making sense now (maybe read it a few more times to get all the messages).
Your mind and body are as one. When I studied chinese medicine this became so clear, psychology is not separate, your body feeds into your mind and your mind feeds into your body.
When you get stuck in a catch 22 situation that is increasing your symptoms you need intervention. It comes from 3 sources
Adding in something - you're depleted of vital nutrients in your body
Changing the way you view things - positivity and going easier on yourself.
Giving yourself TLC - You're more than likely carer to at least one person in your life, so remember to save some of that TLC for yourself, you deserve it.
Selfcare isn't selfish.... it's survival.
Are you ready to seek help?
I'm the HOW! I can set you on the right course to resolving not only your symptoms now, but how you feel about your menopause now and your health and happiness for years to come.
You can:
Book a free 15 minute chat with me (no obligation)
Read my book - it gives you a rounded few and helps you start to make those changes
Download my free guide to get started
Why can I help you?
Well I've been there!! And I sought out completely natural solutions to help me resolve my list of 25 symptoms, oh yes I ticked a lot on that first day I googled!! That was 6 years ago and I'm still peri but gratefully symptom free. I'm a shiatsu and chinese medicine practitioner and I put this to good use to help my clients resolve their health issues, menopausal or not.
Your health is precious, so if you do one thing for yourself this Christmas time or kick off the New Year with a positive outlook it's to say I'm worth it, these symptoms stop now; show me HOW universe!!
Have a merry menopause and a happy new you xx
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