I remember this phase well, though at the time I didn't know I was perimenopausal or that there was anything wrong. I'd been getting easily emotional over the last 4 or so years, I'd be sitting in the boardroom and feel my self welling up at the stupidist of things, and I could tell the men were looking at me thinking 'What the...?'. I was kicking myself, and clenching to try and stop these overly emotional tears spilling, it just wasn't me, and it annoyed the heck out of me too! Once I became a fulltime practitioner I found it was tele programmes that had me crying, I got hooked on the TV series Wild at Heart, and yes I know anything with animals! I was balling at every single episode; what was going on?! The other week I was talking with a consultation client and it brought all of this flooding back (at thank heavens it stopped happening) and this made me think it was a good blog idea as it happens to so many women, just like you, and you don't know why. This month then my perimenopause blog: Why do I cry at EVERYTHING?
Today's blog is going to delve into the principles of chinese medicine that under pin what types of tears that you have. Don't worry, it will all make sense, and really importantly I'm going to give you some insight into how to resolve these tears too. If you can manage what's causing your crying you'll also take control of and diminish the issues you have with mood swings, irritability, fatigue, sleeplessness and stress! Crying is a symptom but it's like the tip of your peri/ menopausal iceberg so today we're delving below the surface, when you understand how your symptoms are linked, then you can learn how to resolve them and come up smiling!
Why do I cry at EVERYTHING?
I bet you feel like this right now? I know I did! And speaking with a client last week reminded me how exhausting it was, plus you have that fear that it will happen at inappropriate times; and then there are the outbursts at work! (Yes I had a couple of those 2!)
Did you know there are different types of crying?
There are 3 types in Chinese medicine that we'll look at today: sobbing tears that are uncontrollable, that welling up feeling and then leakage (where you're furiously buttock clenching desperately trying to not show you're welling up!), and then angry tears where you can feel your eyes tighten, your rims go red and you've exploded. You've probably just been incredibly wound up by a colleague, a situation or a member of your family knows exactly which button to press and finds your outburst incredibly hilarious, and that has tipped you over the edge.
It's good to know which type of tears you have and what emotions you're feeling at the time as this can be key to resolving them.
So we have:
Tears welling and leakage
Big fat sobbing tears
Angry outburst, red-eyed tears
Not forgetting tears of happiness and laughter, but today we'll focus on the first 3.
So what do these types of tears mean? And really importantly how can you stop them from happening?
Welling up tears
These are the one's that take you by surprise continuously because they can happen at any moment of any day, and they are soooo embarassing.
The cause of these tears is stress and tiredness; but I probably don't need to tell you that. They are an outward reflection of how your body is coping right now. You are most likely feeling tired, frazzled and easily overwhelmed most of the time and so any little trigger and you're off. It's like the straw that broke the camels back scenario, you're carrying layers and layers of life stress, and you're wobbling just below your threshold. Then at anytime something happens and you feel yourself going; the welling, and the rapid blinking start! Whether its the kids triggering you or any number of work situations if you're like me you're berating yourself for being weak. That only makes it worse as I've found out in years of research because fighting it, fighting yourself you're just adding in some more stress, and around it goes again.
You may have a pressure release outburst, then you're into the fat sobbing tears for hours as I describe below. So how do you resolve these tears?
If you directly correlate that these tears are the stress in your body, then to relieve the frequency of these tears means dealing with the stress that is in your body. It isn't a quick fix, but I truly believe that once you have the initial understanding and that you're then sign posted to how to resolve this physical stress you're experiencing then you start to feel better, you have hope that there is a way out of this; and that very thinking takes some stress of you and you start to feel the first seeds of feeling that little bit better.
So here are some of the main pointers to alleviating stress:
Resolve anxiety if you have it - daily anxiety is the very real physical manifestation of a stressed body. It's not in your head, but your emotional connection to it can exacerbate it. Understanding what is physically going on and then making the physical changes helps reduce it anormously.
I have a guide Master Your Anxiety Naturally
Lower your cortisol levels - Cortisol is the stress hormone, and it needs nutrition to do its job (destressing you!) . The likelihood is that right now you don't have enough nutrients in your daily life. Get as much as you can from eating fresh foods but to really combat you'll need some good plant based supplements. Feed the cortisol and it can then crack on and lower, leaving you feeling more robust.
Just a word about exercise - if you find you cry a lot on the days you do a lot of physical exercise, you're probably over doing it. Cortisol is released along with adrenalin, so you may get the highs but you're also getting the lows. It's about finding the right types of exercise for your changing body now.
Increasing your sleep - are you awake for 2 to 4 hours a night? This sadly makes it all worse, if you're struggling to get a good nights sleep there are a few factors involved. The 2 major ones are night sweats, and wide awake worrying around 4am. Resolve these to get your full nights sleep back and this is major part of helping your body destress.
These are the main areas that I help women in, either with my guides or with a one to one consultation with me. Please reach out if you're struggling as this doesn't need to be the case, I can help you get back on track!
Fat sobbing tears
They spill over, you can't believe you've got enough water in you to create them (remember to hydrate with these ones as you can feel wrung out afterwards, plus take your multivitamin to replace lost nutrients).
These are similar to welling up, it's just they spill over, and they don't stop, they don't stop for hours. Once unleashed they keep going, they are the ones that coin the phrase all cried out.
In the northern hemisphere as I write this we're coming into Autumn, in Chinese medicine it's linked to the Metal element, which in turn means grief, loss, melancholy, so you may well find that you shed more of these tears at this time of year. If you're reading this from the Southern Hemisphere then you're coming into Spring and you may be experiencing the type of tears I'm writing about next!
These tears stem from the same root source of exhaustion and stress as welling up but they are linked to a deeper melancholy, and are a release. They shouldn't happen to often though, and afterwards you can feel better. They are tears of grief, and also in Chinese medicine tears of loss, whatever that maybe. You can also feel loss or grieve whilst another person is still around, at this time of year teens go off to University and this can be a massive upheaval for mum, whilst the teen is just raring to go and doesn't look back. Understand that these tears are cathartic, and can be worse when you are tired and stressed, but you probably needed the release.
However if you're having these types of tears very regularly for a prolonged period then your body chemistry is really out of balance, and you most likely are experiencing low moods too. Yes this could be a time to talk with your GP about anti-depressants, but I'm a firm believer of trying to help yourself first with nutrition (both food and supplements).
If you have never felt depressed before and not required anti-depressants before then your body is crying out for help but it doesn't need to be medication, but is does need something important - nutrition and I would suggest supplements too at this time as your body is considerably depleted. Also you want to get back on your feet as soon as you can, and so good plant-based supplements which are packed with nutrients that you can easily absorb are going to be very powerful you right now.
If you've also tended towards low moods or negative thinking then at this time of hormonal change this can be exacerbated now. Low moods can be directly linked to body chemistry so I do urge you to look into your gut health and really top up your nutrition. I can help you with this in a consultation as it is powerful to understand how your emotions are being directly affected by the physical stress and chemical/ hormonal imbalances that you are experiencing and I take this into account as I help you regain your robustness, energy and joy!
A professional will help you gain the best results and you will have the support and wisdom of that person who will help you put your thoughts, emotions and symptoms in perspective, it really does help to discuss this with someone that really understands what's going on for you.
Angry red-rimmed tears
Have you always had these types of outbursts (I've worked with some women where this was the norm), or are they new to you know and you don't quite know what to make of it?
It's the same root cause in Chinese medicine it's just whether it's a life long imbalance or a more recent menopause transistion one.
I'll explain the resolution and it should be the same, but if you're only experiencing this in recent months/years then it's going to be far easier to address than if this has been a lifelong issue for you (in that case I would suggest as well as what I suggest, also looking for a life coach to support your change).
The clue to what's going on here is anger, you get red faced, your eyes get blood shot, and you may experience headaches and nausea afterwards, and you'll most definitely have some sort of neck and shoulder tension too. All these symptoms build a pattern, you maybe experiencing night sweats and/or hot flushes, and irritability and mood swings are a daily feature now in your life, and you never know when you're going to go off on one!
Angry tears and emotions like frustration, irritability, resentment are in the realm of Liver in Chinese medicine, and it's so incredibly useful to know this as this is where the resolution lies.
As you'll have picked up from the other 2 above you can intervene and resolve crying patterns looking at your health, and supporting it with nutrition and supplements. These types of tears are no different in that respect but how we resolve this type is actually different. The other types are a deficiency, something is missing in your chemistry and you have to bolster it to feel robust again, but here we need to remove an excess!
Your liver is a very forgiving organ but by the time you're in our mid 40s you've unintentionally got it pretty clogged up and it's not working at its best; think oil filter in a car, if you don't get it cleaned regularly; how will successfully will your car run? You're the same now.
Your liver needs some TLC, because when the liver isn't happy it has a real knock on effect to your emotions, mainly mood swings and irritability (this is the chinese mecidine part!). You may have noticed that you've become more emotionally volatile over a period of time and if this is not you, what's causing it?
Hormones are involved too, especially the low progesterone/ dominant oestrogen phase we come into in the perimenopause. Think PMS but that it's now happening 24/7. Low progesterone can be caused by a number of factors including stress, but how your liver is functioning to remove the excess sugars / toxins in your diet becomes a very strong factor too. When I found this out I worked on a liver detox, and supporting my liver daily with cleansing herbs and eating way more vegetables (and variety of) as these have great anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory nutrients in them, and this helps your liver a lot!
Don't worry about your liver, nothing is going to show up on medical tests, we're in the realms of your liver feeling the pressure of life, rather than there being something really wrong. This is what we terms as energetics in chinese medicine, and this is why emotions become a large factor too.
You get into a catch 22 situation, which seems to happen with most menopausal symptoms meaning the physical changes in your body have an effect on your emotions and your emotions exacerbate the physical changes. Because of this you do need intervention, and that means cleaning up and supporting your liver. There are right times of the year to do a good detox, best time Spring, and other times of the year, just take it easier by understanding the foods you're eating and their effect, and you can always support daily with a herbal supplement for the liver.
Here are some guides to help you love your liver, and to calm mood swings and ease angry outbursts:
Let's dry those tears!
Crying regularly is your body struggling, and so this is a great time to start looking after yourself and employing some serious self care. If you don't know where to start I wrote an indepth blog on self care, read it here
Crying is a symptom, and it's likely to have others symptoms attached. The beauty of using Chinese medicine to diagnose what those symptoms means is that it takes emotions into account and helps you to relieve your symptoms physically , and emotionally, so you feel more robust in mind, body and soul.
You know your hormones are changing, but it's learning that it's not just about hormones, and that your hormones sometimes are getting battered down by how your body is working. If you support your health by learning how to destress, strengthen your gut, and love your liver you will go a long way to not only drying up the regularity of crying but also resolving a host of other symptoms that you have currently too. It's all linked, so in resolving crying, you'll be relieving your perimenopause symptoms and setting yourself up for a healthy menopause and beyond.
Bach Flower Remedies for emotional support
A blend of bach flowers can really lift you up and make you more emotionally robust, these are my go to when I feel confused or in emotional turmoil
There are 38 options in the set and normally a blend of 6 to 8 that are specific for the way you are healing is incredibly beneficial to get you through your daily life. Bach flowers help you deal with emotional stressors as well as help you emotionally unblock to allow you to move forwards; and in turn may reduce your symptoms as well.
I offer a short Bach Flowers consult and bespoke remedy blend posted to you. Read more here
Contact Andrea
Should you seek guidance towards addressing symptoms like tearfulness and more, I encourage you to get in touch. I extend an invitation for a commitment-free clarity call, designed to initiate your path in the most fitting direction. Let's be clear, this isn't about sales tactics—it's about facilitating your understanding and aiding your decision-making process regarding the road ahead. Moreover, I'm here to address those preliminary inquiries that may be on your mind.
Get help resolving your menopause symptoms with natural remedies
It's confusing to know where to start isn't it especially with overwhelm at all the advice on the internet. You're here though so let me help you, I've spent over 5 years solely researching, observing and helping women resolve their menopause symptoms naturally and effectively; and I have a variety of ways in which I can help you. If overwhelm is a real problem for you and you'd like clarity on what to do next choose my complementary no-obligation phone chat.
A short call with me will give you options on how you can move forwards to relieve your crying symptoms which are linked to stress along with other symptoms such as feeling bleurgh, fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, and a host of symptoms that are bringing you down as this doesn't need to be so!
Working with me you will see a reduction in your menopause symptoms in under 4 weeks. Book a call with me here
Meet Andrea
Andrea is a shiatsu and chinese medicine practitioner who uses the principles of chinese medicine in a completely practical way to help you resolve your symptoms naturally and effectively. If you live locally you can book in for wonderfully relaxing Shiatsu for Menopause, otherwise Andrea does online indepth consultations where you'll leave with an simple steps actionable plan to follow.
Andrea was hit hard with perimenopause in 2016 and didn't realise it until bells starting ringing at a talk one day. She tried a menopause supplement and it gave her hot flushes! Realising that this wasn't straightforward she turned to her Chinese medicine books and pieced together the underlying health imbalances that cause symptoms. She resolved hers and her clients quickly and is now in a position to help you too.
